To The People Who Matter At Jeep:
I am writing to respectfully request that you immediately bring to an end your Jeep Liberty advertising campaign featuring Andy Kim’s song “Rock Me Gently.” The advertising firm that created this campaign on your behalf has greatly misjudged your intended audience, which I assume to be male sports fans, since the damn thing has run at least three times an hour during every notable sports event broadcast over the past three weeks.
I simply cannot imagine this campaign resulting in increased sales of your product. In fact, I suspect that hundreds, thousands, perhaps hundreds of thousands, of American males in the market for a new automobile have crossed Jeep off of their lists, simply because of the psychic damage done as a result of this campaign. As an example, I can promise you that I will never consider purchasing a Jeep for the rest of my life, due to this campaign. But my anger does not end there. This morning, there were several birds in my back yard which reminded me of the birds in the commercial. I threw a rock at them. I don’t even remember if there is a squirrel in the commercial, and yesterday I tried to run one over when I saw it in the road. I yelled at a dog; and I feel an odd compulsion to buy the entire Andy Kim catalogue just for the sheer pleasure of sending the packaging through the shredder, and dropping the discs into our roaring fireplace.
But what disturbs me most is that watching the games, I find myself hoping that the next advertisement will be Ford’s John Mellencamp “This Is Our Country” commercial. So, as you can see, I am not a well man. For this I blame you, the actor in the commercial, Andy Kim, the representatives of the Animal Kingdom who debased themselves in order to allow their images to be used, and the firm that created this atrocity on your behalf.
Thanks for listening.