Your Handy Guide To Halftime Coach Interviews

The coach who is leading will say:

1. "We executed well."
2. "We made plays."
3. "They're a great team. We just have to keep up the pressure."
4. "There's a lot of time left. We need to make the right adjustments."

The coach who is behind will say:

1. "We just need to execute better."
2. "We're just not making the plays."
3. "We'll make some adjustments at halftime, and we'll be right back in this thing."
4. "There's a lot of football to be played."

What I'd love to hear them say:

1. "For Christ's sake, you don't honestly expect me to tell you what adjustments we're planning to make, do you?"

2. "Have you ever watched a f*cking football game?"

3. "My _______ (fill in position) is a f*cking idiot who shouldn't even be at this school. What do you want me to do about it?"

4. "What are you doing after the game?"